4 am milking...

Sometimes being a breastfeeding mother makes one feel like a cow. For the week and a half that I had to exclusively pump was the worst. The feeling like all you are here for is to produce milk is something often felt.

Right now it is half four in the morning and I have just put my son back to bed after a late night/early morning feed then because I have to leave him in the care of others for a few hours this weekend, pumped to add to my stash. Pumping at 4am makes me feel like I am back working on a farm and getting up to help with the morning milking. But it is something necessary when you wont give your baby formula when with others. My son is breastfed and will have my milk even if I can't be the one to give him.

If it means I am up in the early hours of the morning pumping then so be it. A mother needs her freedom sometimes.

Terrible Teething

No official diagnosis but I think my darling son is starting to teeth at only 3 months. I do wish that would have come a little later but for now I will just have to put up with it.We are seeing the Plunket nurse in a couple of days so I shall confirm it with her. His symptoms so far are:

• Wanting to put everything in his mouth no matter what it is. Fingers, clothing, toys etc.
• Drooling has started though he kinda sucks it back in.
• Irritable especially at night with frequent wakings for feeding, managed a 6 hour sleep to begin with, but that was because he was so tired due to not sleeping during the day.
• Resisting sleep, yesterday was a killer for that, today is no different. He has seemingly become a light sleeper that wakes at anything.
• Wanting to feed more, but not actually feeding more sucking/gnawing on my nipple(that is no fun).
• Minor rash on his face.
• Pulling at his ear
• rubbing cheeks against things especially my shoulder.

Here's hoping it passes soon, sleep deprivation is starting to get to me. No tears yet though.

On another note however we got some giggles from him last night.

Resentment and the things no-one tells you

I expected to be exhausted, struggling to find the time for a shower and unconditionally in love with my baby, what no one told me is that I would have a resentment to some of the new things in my life, or that by the time my son is 5-6 weeks old he should now be feeding from both breasts at a feed.

I am struggling to accept the fact that I have a minor resentment towards my partner. It's not really towards him as such but the fact that he gets to sleep through the night and not get up. Everywhere tells you to share the load, "get your partner to help with nighttime feedings". What they don't tell you is that unless your partner is also a lactating female or you are formula feeding there is no way that they can help with feeding. My son does not do man boobs. I would love right now to not be up at 3am feeding a baby who half an hour ago indicated he was done and waited until I had put him in his cot to make it known that he was hungry again.

I know that I am slightly crazy in being up at 3am blogging and not sleeping as my baby is now asleep in my lap and not making the I'm hungry signs. But sometimes frustrations need to be released before one can fully get good sleep no matter how short it may be. Plus there is every likelihood that my partner will make the usual irritated grunts and roll over away from me when I finally crawl into bed.

Oh and to you new mothers, don't feel guilty when you let your baby cry as you make some toast for breakfast or get some lunch, they will get over it but you need food too and just once in a while your needs come first. I thought you should know this from me as I gave up on feeling guilty a couple of weeks ago when I realised that despite people telling you to eat healthy and have 3 meals a day plus snacks it just doesn't fit into my baby's schedule. That is unless I let him cry a little while I make something to eat. Food that you can eat one handed while supporting your baby at the breast is easiest.