Incorrect parenting and insufficient supply.

Last week I had a visit from one of the ladies at Plunket. Let's just say when she left I was left questioning my skills as a parent yet again. Am I really doing it wrong?

I have been told and read right from the beginning that I should demand feed my son not schedule his feeds to the 2-3hr timings also recommended. So that is what I did, now that among other things is incorrect or so the lady implied. Apparently me feeding him on demand and letting him have longer sleeps during the day is not how it should be done. This is how is supposed to be done or so she said; let him be awake for an hour tops then put him down to sleep for 2-3hr.

Getting him to sleep after only an hour is proving to be quite difficult, but I can see how it could possibly help him sleep better and have been trying since her visit to make it work. I am able to do an hour and a half to two hours awake before he sleeps and always have. Today was the exception to this:

•  8am Greeted with a big smile when he woke up
• 11am sleep time.. no wait nap time.. laundry in and vacuuming completed
• 12pm lunch time - with big smiles and some coos and goos
• 3pm afternoon tea time - lots of snacking, smiling and staring at the world close by
• 5pm early dinner and smiles
• 5.30pm sleep time

But along with the feeding schedule I should also begin sleep training, the self soothe cry it out method. That I don't think I can do exactly. Hearing my baby crying is totally gut wrenching and something I like to avoid at all costs. She does have valid points in that I need to get my baby to go to sleep in his cot or alternative location himself and not at the breast like often happens. I like to feed my baby to sleep, it makes me feel good and also comforts my son.

Rather than let him cry himself to sleep with minimal comfort from me I am going with what I know and what I have done from the beginning... Nurse to sleep, or if I'm lucky to the point where he is almost going to drop off and will fall into true sleep when I put him in his cot (a totally rare occurrence).

To me sleep training and schedule feeds just aren't going to work for me and him, We are happy as we are thanks.

How do you do the feeding and sleep in your family? What works for your family? Post a comment below and don't forget to check out my Instagram, Youtube and Facebook.

Resentment and the things no-one tells you

I expected to be exhausted, struggling to find the time for a shower and unconditionally in love with my baby, what no one told me is that I would have a resentment to some of the new things in my life, or that by the time my son is 5-6 weeks old he should now be feeding from both breasts at a feed.

I am struggling to accept the fact that I have a minor resentment towards my partner. It's not really towards him as such but the fact that he gets to sleep through the night and not get up. Everywhere tells you to share the load, "get your partner to help with nighttime feedings". What they don't tell you is that unless your partner is also a lactating female or you are formula feeding there is no way that they can help with feeding. My son does not do man boobs. I would love right now to not be up at 3am feeding a baby who half an hour ago indicated he was done and waited until I had put him in his cot to make it known that he was hungry again.

I know that I am slightly crazy in being up at 3am blogging and not sleeping as my baby is now asleep in my lap and not making the I'm hungry signs. But sometimes frustrations need to be released before one can fully get good sleep no matter how short it may be. Plus there is every likelihood that my partner will make the usual irritated grunts and roll over away from me when I finally crawl into bed.

Oh and to you new mothers, don't feel guilty when you let your baby cry as you make some toast for breakfast or get some lunch, they will get over it but you need food too and just once in a while your needs come first. I thought you should know this from me as I gave up on feeling guilty a couple of weeks ago when I realised that despite people telling you to eat healthy and have 3 meals a day plus snacks it just doesn't fit into my baby's schedule. That is unless I let him cry a little while I make something to eat. Food that you can eat one handed while supporting your baby at the breast is easiest. 

Dramas in the delivery room...

To say that my labour and birthing experience went smoothly and without drama would be a total lie. I gave the staff in the delivery suite of my local hospital quite a scare, not that I remember it.

At 41 weeks and 3 days I went into labour in the wee hours of a Monday morning, starting with mild contractions and the mucus show. There had been concerns as the previous Friday when I had a scan the amniotic fluid around my baby was low and only just within the acceptable range. The decision was made that we would see how things went over the weekend and if no baby to do another scan on Monday. Monday rolled around and no labour though there were possible contractions. Another scan was done and this time the amniotic fluid was even lower and no longer deemed acceptable. The doctors at the hospital wanted me to go in for an induction, but I resisted this. My midwife, partner and I decided to wait and see how things went as a few minutes after an internal exam by my midwife my waters broke (an interesting sensation), and the contractions were getting stronger.

Waters breaking in a gush like mine did was a little like I peed myself but no muscle movement that usually accompanies peeing oneself.

By midnight I was finally ready to birth this baby and we rushed to the hospital, a very tense ride with every bump in the road seeming to appear with each contraction. I did not particularly enjoy the labour experience, and the birth itself, well that is another thing all together.

After hours of painful contractions I had given up and was begging for an epidural. I had tried the gas and it did nothing for me. I was so exhausted that I stopped pushing with the contractions and just gave up, I could no longer take it. I was given two options, c-section or assisted birth, I originally asked for a c-section, but was persuaded to try going for an assisted birth to make future vaginal deliveries easier. Here I was with this birth plan to deliver naturally with no pain killers but fate decided otherwise.

I went through the risks of the spinal block and signed the consent form, then I felt the need to use the bathroom at this point and went in by myself, I needed to retain some dignity. I remember sitting on the toilet and possibly trying to get up off the loo but things after that are a blank and others had to fill me in. All I remember next is the anaesthetist cracking jokes as he gave me the spinal block, and mention of forceps, pushing with the contractions that I could no longer feel and watching as the doctor steadied himself against the delivery table to pull my son out with forceps.

I have vague disjointed memories after that of my son being placed on my chest then being taken away, my partner crying and being asked about being shaved down below(not exactly sure when I was asked that.).

I have been told that while on the toilet, before being taken into the operating room, I fell on the floor and had a fit. When one of the staff pressed the emergency button the room was suddenly filled with nurses, doctors and midwives(apparently it was handover time for the next shift). I was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2006 and when the staff saw me on the bathroom floor it was assumed that I had a seizure, that is yet to be confirmed. The neurologist who saw me later on that day discussed that I did not have an epileptic seizure but a Vasovagal episode(fainting fit). So the epilepsy diagnosis is still to be confirmed with tests occurring later on this year.

So the dramas surrounding my sons birth started with low amniotic fluid levels, possible induction followed by me becoming so exhausted I no longer had the energy to push with my contractions. Then after a failed attempt at using the ventouse(suction cup) my son was pulled out with forceps. After the birth I was then nil by mouth for 24 hours due to the medication given to stabilise me after the fit. I also caused the machines around me to beep in alarm as I was suffering from tachycardia(accelerated heart rate). So overall the birth experience was not without its dramas and my memory is quite foggy about bits. But at 9.24am on 13/08/13 my son was born weighing 3350g or 7lb 6oz. He is a happy healthy baby with a powerful set of lungs on him and is the most gorgeous baby I have ever laid my eyes on, but that could just be me being bias.

What were your labour and delivery experiences like? Dramatic? Easy? Out of your control? Leave a comment below and share it.

For those of you who are pregnant with your first child/children, fear not the birthing experience is not always like mine and most often quite natural and not necessarily easy but something you can cope with. I had full confidence in my midwife that she would know what was best for me and my son, and if it required interventions well so be it.

Formula Recalls, Botulism and all important decisions - Part Two

I could quite easily delete the original post and part of it no longer applies, but that would not be staying true to my pregnancy and motherhood journey, so an explanation is required.

While pregnant I researched and discussed with both my doctor and midwife about the option of breastfeeding. The decision was made that I would breast feed twice a day when my medication levels are lowest and then formula feed all other feeds. My medication can cause drowsiness in my baby if the levels in my milk are too high. So feeds were going to occur just before I took my doses. Research showed that there  were no adverse or significant effects to the baby when breastfed exclusively on my current dose so I could take that as meaning it is safe. I also decided that I would at least breastfeed while I was producing colostrum so bubs would get all the benefits.

After birth however that changed. I spoke with lactation consultants, a specialist for my condition and midwives before I made a new decision. I am now exclusively breastfeeding my darling we baby, which has come with its challenges. Sure I do worry that my medication could have adverse affect on my baby, but it is just a matter of watching out for the signs and checking the levels in his blood on a regular basis. For now my son is happy and healthy.

Dirty Diapers, wet wipes and insane choices...

I wrote in my last post about having to make all these decisions that one has never made before, well quite early on in my pregnancy I made the decision to use cloth nappies. I am not sure yet whether I will exclusively use cloth or use a combination of cloth and disposable. I do know that for at least the first one to two weeks I will be using disposables to allow myself to get used to the whole motherhood thing, before adding all the washing and soaking.

Washed, dried and ready for sorting.

Flat fold nappies.

Covers and inserts ready for sorting and stuffing.

All sorted, stuffed and ready to be used.

Getting them all ready, took a bit longer than anticipated and I really shouldn't have left it to the last minute to do. Being 40+ weeks pregnant and washing dozens of nappies can be a little tiring, but I can now say that it is done. They have all been pre-soaked to kick start the absorbency, washed 3 times and dried outside for added freshness. Now I just need the baby to arrive so that I can start to use them.

I did balk a little when I was looking into the costs of cloth nappies.  I do know that I am going to save money in the long run with my decision but the initial start up costs were a little daunting. But overall I think I have done OK. I also showed my partner the savings that we will be making, I just need to get him use to the idea of using them. I did show him today how easy some of the ones I have are to use. We like simple and easy in our house.

My best bargain so far is this TotsBot easy fit for $0.50 (NZ) from an op-shop. I couldn't believe my luck as they come highly recommended, and cost approx $35 new. Here's hoping it's not past it as it looks almost brand new.

Stay tuned for my experiences in using cloth nappies and feel free to check out my YouTube and Instagram pages, the links can be found on the left above the 'about me' section.

But lastly one question for you all... Did/do you use cloth or disposables?

Formula Recalls, Botulism and all important decisions.

I haven't even had my baby yet and already the formula that I chose to initially use has been recalled due to a botulism scare with the whey powder used.Click here for more info.

How can a first time mother put her faith in infant formula when things like this happen? Firstly though, to those of you who breast feed and can be a little judgemental about those of us who choose to formula feed, please know that I didn't get a choice. I want what's best for my baby and apparently my first choice didn't make the cut. Fear not, I have now replaced the tainted powder with another brand deemed safe.

Being a first time mother is going to be hard enough without having to worry about the formula that I will be feeding my baby. We have all these decisions to make not only before the child is born but also once it arrives. Do I want an epidural? Should I have a water birth? Do I give my baby vitamin K?, What nappy cream is best? Is my baby wearing enough clothes? Do I wait in clamping the cord? We have all these new and confusing decisions thrown at us and are expected to know what is best for our children.

Can anyone truly make the right decision every time? 

Another tough decision: Diaper/Nappy Bag... Need a top of the line one, or something simple?

That dreaded diaper bag, do I need a fancy one, a cheaper alternative or none at all? I have been given one, which I will find helpful, but i don't know if the style is right for me.

I have seen quite a few online that I like the look of but so far have resisted buying one. Sure I want to be a trendy mum and have a stylish nappy bag, but do I really need to spend $100 on one when I can get one similar or the same size for less than half that, that also does the same job. What about you mums what style/price/absolute must haves did you decide on.

In other news, I have officially gone past my due date, am now sitting at 40 weeks and 3 days and totally over the waiting. Have been off work for 4 weeks now and had honestly thought that I would have a baby by now. This time last week there was what we assumed as the start of labour but it went no where and since then nothing. Here's hoping the walking that I will be doing when I go out this afternoon will kick start this baby into arriving. It unfortunately is banned from arriving this Wednesday or Friday as I wish for my child to have it';s own birthday and not share it with another family member.

Feel free to also check out my YouTube and Instagram channel and latest pregnancy vlog.